Another Andrew Update

I made it to Boise today, and was able to spend the entire day with Brittany, Taylor and my parents among many others who were here to support Andrew and lend their prayers as we waited for the surgery to conclude.

We knew it was going to be a long day, and my dad talked to Andrew about it this morning, asking him how he felt. They talked about how long the whole thing was going to be and Andrew pointed out that it was going to be a really long day for everyone else, but it wouldn't be too bad for him because "time goes really fast when you're asleep". He never once appeared to be afraid or sad and never once complained. Such an amazing kid!

He went in to Pre-Op at about 10:30am and was not out of surgery until about 9:20pm. It took another 30 minutes or so to move him to recovery and then another hour before the surgeon came out to give Brittany and Dave (Andrew's Father) the full update on the outcome of the surgery.

I'm happy to report that he was immediately able to speak, count to 4, grip with both hands and pass rudimentary motor tests. The surgeon said we'd get a better idea for his motor function and vision once he's had a chance for the anesthesia to wear off, but overall Andrew did great, and functionally the outlook is good.

Unfortunately, he also reported that the tumor appears to be malignant - medulloblastoma. They have a few more tests to get back, and want to do another MRI to get a good look at his brain stem and the rest of the area to be sure they got everything, but either way it appears that Andrew will have to undergo chemotherapy and radiation treatments.

They'll also be doing a CT scan to look for any blood clots, and he may need a blood transfusion in the next day because of the blood lost during the surgery, but there was not enough bleeding to make it necessary immediately, which I guess is a good thing.

It's strange to have a desire to celebrate when being told that someone has cancer, but something inside of me just wont let me dwell on that part. Andrew is alive. He's talking. He's moving. He's Andrew. For those reasons alone we have reason to rejoice!

The trial ahead is not a small or easy one, but today we were blessed with a victory!

I got to spend a lot of time with Taylor today, which was wonderful. We spent some time learning Cat's Cradle and Jacob's Ladder string tricks so she can teach them to Andrew. I discovered that this particular game is not one of my strengths. Luckily she is much better than me!

My other sisters and their kids are driving up tonight and will be here to add to the masses tomorrow morning. Taylor is so excited to see them, and I can only imagine that Andrew will have the same reaction. The kids all love each other so much and really love being together. More positive energy to buoy Andrew and his recovery is sure to arrive with them.

Thank you so much to those of you who have sent your prayers and good wishes. I'm lucky to have such wonderful people in my life! Please keep the prayers coming!

I'm going to sleep tonight feeling incredibly blessed.

Andrew Update

Andrew is scheduled for surgery to remove the tumor tomorrow, 10/1, at 11:00am MDT. The surgery will take anywhere from 7-12 hours, so it will be a long day for all involved. I was able to get a flight to Boise tomorrow morning, so I'll be there to do whatever I can. Not sure what that means, but I'll be there all the same.

The doctors have shared some new concerns about the tumor and it's location, including it's potential adherance to blood vessels and the brain stem. There are terrifying risks involved in the tumor removal that have left us a bit stunned, but we're trying to dwell on the positives. They say they'll know if the tumor is malignant before the surgery is finished. No matter how well the surgery goes, it's certain that there will be a long and difficult rehabilitation period for Andrew.

Luckily, at this point, he's not in any physical pain.

I keep trying to understand what Andrew must be thinking and feeling as this all plays out. My dad says he seems to understand what is going on, and is taking it like a trooper. No tears, no complaints. I think about what it will be like for him after the surgery. To wake up to his new reality...maybe without the ability to do things he could do before like talk, or walk, or see. How do you prepare an 8 year old boy for that possibility?

I worry about Brittany. She's so strong, but this requires something beyond strength. Something no mother should ever have to test. The physical, emotional and financial implications of this trial are overwhelming to ponder. Again, I'm at a loss for what to do, or how to help. My baby sister and her sweet little family are facing something far more difficult than I can begin to understand.

I'm doing my best to keep my focus on Andrew. As a good friend reminded me, this is about Andrew...not me. I'm sad, and I'm scared, but that's not what matters. This is about how Andrew feels and what Andrew needs. Keeping that in mind somehow makes things seem a little clearer. Not that I have any idea how this is going to go, or what anyone needs, but that my purpose is simple. To support Andrew by providing Brittany, Taylor and Andrew with positive energy, prayers, hope and love. To do whatever I can to make this easier for Andrew, if that is possible.

Tomorrow I'll be praying for angels to protect our little angel...and to let him stay with us a little longer.

Love, prayers and hope.

I'll continue to update my blog as we move through this process.

For anyone who would like to contribute, my dad has set up a fund for Andrew to help Brittany with what is sure to be astronomical medical expenses. Donations can be made at any Washington Mutual (WAMU) location to The Andrew Vanderploeg Fund - Acct. 3170086447, or send donations:

c/o Randy Nelson
5447 S. Zang Ct.
Littleton, CO 80127

Please make checks payable to the Andrew Vanderploeg Fund.

My Bob Amato

It's strange how quickly life changes. In an instant your whole focus and direction can be derailed by the unknown or unexpected. I had one of those moments yesterday. I got a call from my dad yesterday morning that shook me to the core and left me feeling completely helpless and my heart aching. My 8 year old nephew, Andrew, had just had an MRI of his brain to see if they could determine the cause of some issues with his motor skills on the right side of his body. They discovered a large tumor covering 70% of his cerebellum.

My little Andrew has a brain tumor. It's real. It's scary. It's a gut check like I've never experienced before. I'm glad I was in Denver to receive the news. I was able to spend the entire day with my family as we prayed, hoped, grieved and tried to find some kind of comfort in the reality of this unbelievable news.

We'd all noticed that Andrew was a bit clumsy, and even joked about it with him, but thought nothing major of it. There are lots of kids that are not overly coordinated, but recently his uncoordinated movements began to look a bit different. Kids at school were even teasing him because of the way he walked. The catalyst to get him checked was a call from his teacher. She said that his handwriting had been deteriorating over the last bit, which had been a concern to her, but she was truly concerned when he had been unable to hold on to a pair of scissors in class.

After finding the tumor, it was discovered that there was extra fluid on his brain, increasing the pressure to a dangerous level, so the first priority was to relieve that pressure. Last night they drilled a small hole in his skull to allow the fluid to drain, and his motor skills have already improved.

Now it is a matter of "hurry up and wait" as we wait for the specialist to do a detailed analysis of his MRI and schedule surgery to remove the tumor. We won't know until they have done the surgery whether it is benign or malignant. There is a possibility that, because of the size or malignancy, he will have to undergo chemotherapy and/or radiation treatments after the surgery.

My sister Brittany, Andrew's mom, Taylor, Andrew's big sister, and Andrew live in Boise, ID so part of the angst all of us were feeling yesterday was the inability to be there to give them all a big hug and let them know how much we love them.

Brittany is one of the strongest and most capable people I know, and I admire her ability to face adversity head on. She always seems to push forward, taking on the challenges that come her way with very little complaint and a whole lot of resolve. Even still, I can't imagine what she must be going through right now. I wish there was something I could do to make it...well, I don't know. I'm not sure there is a way to make something like this "easier". The complete impotence of my abilities as the big sister is evident in the reality that I don't even know what anyone could possibly do to help shoulder the burden for her.

Dad says Taylor has been the perfect big sister. She didn't want to leave the hospital yesterday because she wanted to be with her brother. She says she's just happy that they were able to figure out what was wrong with Andrew and can't wait for them to help him get back to being "Andrew" again.

I'm teetering on the brink of tears at any given moment. The logical side of my brain keeps telling me that there is every reason to hope, and that dwelling on the worst case scenarios is not helpful or productive...but the emotional side of me keeps thinking about my Little Andrew. My Bob Amato.

I remember the day Andrew was born. I had a night class and was unable to get to the hospital to meet the little trooper until after 8pm, which meant it was just me, Brittany and beautiful little Andrew. I held him for a long time that night, listening to his sad little congested breathing and falling in love. Such a precious little boy.

I basically lived at Brittany's house for the next 6 months or so while I was working on my Master's Degree, and there were many nights that I spent on her couch doing my homework with Andrew asleep on my chest. Memories that I cherish.

He's always been such a sweet and kind little boy. Always so full of love. When he was just starting to talk in sentences that you could understand he had a fascination with the Veggietales. One of my favorite memories of all time was when he began telling people that his name was "Bob Amato" (Bob the Tomato). It melted my heart it was so adorable! From then on, he knew that was my favorite thing, and what I wanted to hear when I asked him what his name was. When he started to speak more clearly and began saying "Bob THE Mato" it almost broke my heart...he was growing up!! Then one day he actually said "Bob the Tomato" and I wanted to cry. There was also the brief period when he was way too cool to tell me his name was anything other than Andrew, and I really had to try hard to coax it out of him...but he would always do it, grudgingly, just because he knew it was what I wanted to hear.

It's hard to sit back and wait for this to play out. All I can do is pray, and love, and hope. That's what I'm doing. Praying and loving and hoping. Hoping that my Bob Amato is going to be home and healthy very soon.

One Week and Still Standing

Well, I made it through my first week as a Rhode Islander without any major traumas or calamities. The weather has been great, which I'm sure is specifically in my honor. If it were really hot and humid, or nasty and rainy I'd probably be sitting inside and crying for my Colorado weather, which is no fun for anyone...especially me.

They are breaking me in slowly at work, which is making for a nice transition as I offload tasks and responsibilities from my old roles to take on the new. I'm really excited about the opportunities and the challenges ahead. Can't wait to get going with my new projects!

The contract I had on a condo in N. Providence fell through, so I had to start the house hunt again from scratch. It was a little disheartening at first, but I'm over it now. I found a couple of places I really liked...even more than the original place...and today I put in an offer on one of them! After the first debacle, I'm trying not to get too excited, but I really hope this one works out because it's wonderful! Fingers crossed!

My friend Chris came out to visit this weekend...part of our way of being in complete denial that I actually MOVED away from Colorado. We went sailing with a friend of mine on Saturday, and it could not have been a more perfect day! Great visibility, perfect wind, not too cold, not too hot...AWESOME day! Both Chris and I actually "drove" for a bit, which he was great at, and I was adequate at. I think he may have gotten the sailing bug. If he lived anywhere near an actual body of water, I it may be a bigger deal than for someone who lives in Boulder, but you never can tell!

We also spent a couple of evenings in Boston meeting up with friends, eating good food and enjoying the city. I really do love New England, and it was nice to share it with one of my close friends from Denver. I also got to expose him to one of my favorite treats of all time...Burdick's Iced Chocolate! Seriously...you feel like you're doing something naughty by drinking it! I hadn't had one in a couple of years, so we had to make a trip to Cambridge just to partake! I think it was better than I remembered. Ahhhh....

My temporary digs here in Cumberland, RI are really nice. The building is an old mill that was converted to apartments, and my unit has 20 foot ceilings, exposed beams and duct work, huge windows and exposed brick walls. Lots of character and kinda fun. It's right on the river, and the bike path crosses through the parking lot, so that's a bonus. The only real downside that I've discovered (besides the slowest elevator in history!) is the train. Yes...I said the train. There are train tracks that pass along the front of the building about 50 feet away, and every time a train comes through the entire building shakes like we're having an earthquake! I don't really mind the train whistle or the sound of the train on the tracks, but the shaking is out of control!! The worst part is the late night trains. They are freight trains, so there doesn't appear to be a set schedule, and there has been a train as late as 1:15am. Even if there was a way to sleep through the noise, the shaking is not to be ignored. I feel like I'm on one of those vibrating beds in a cheap motel! (not that I've ever actually BEEN on one...I'm just assuming...no, really!) Who needs sleep anyway, right?

All in all, a good week. I miss Colorado, and especially the people I left behind, but the ache gets a little less intense every day, and it get's easier and easier to focus on the fact that I really am excited and very blessed to be exactly where I am.

SO that's the news from Cumberland, RI where the women are smart, the straight, single men are hiding and all the children belong to someone else.

Love to all!

Parenthood

All my life I've known I wanted to be a mom. In fact, while completing one of the requirements for my Masters Degree, I actually wrote a paper and marketing plan for myself AS a mother. The assignment was to figure out what we wanted most out of life (career wise) and come up with our plan to get to that point. I was in the process of changing careers, so this seemed like the perfect exercise to help me find my new direction.

I struggled for the first few weeks trying to figure out what my passion was going to point me toward...and came up with nothing. I finally set up a meeting with my Professor to get his assistance, and in discussion I realized that the reason I couldn't really find a profession that drove a passion in me was because what I really wanted was to be a mom. Not a working mom. A mom. My professor was great about it. He actually encouraged me to focus on that goal as the center of my project, coming up with a plan to prepare myself to be the best Mom I could be...and a marketing plan to sell myself as a fantastic mother. I got an A.

Interestingly, or maybe not so interestingly, I'm not a mom. Not even close. It's still something I desire...even dream of at times, but it's not something that I am.

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a parent over the last few days/weeks. This weekend my niece and nephew were here with me...and I was made very aware of the patience and total devotion that children require. Not that it was ever a bad thing, or even an unwanted thing. I was just keenly aware of how little priority my life had in the scheme of things. It was about them. What to do, what to eat, where to go, what to teach them, what example to set, how to discipline them, how to show them love...how to be a parent. I only did it for a day and a half and I was exhausted! Part of that is due to my lack of familiarity with the ins and outs of the daily life of a 10 and 8 year old, but it's more than that.

There is something that changes in a person who is blessed with the opportunity to be a parent...whether they want to or not. If they choose to embrace the blessing of parenthood, they are forever changed. There is a certain mantle of responsibility that seems to settle in, giving them the ability to put the child before any of their own needs or desires. It's quite a miracle, really. We are selfish beings, seemingly pre-programmed to look out for ourselves, and then a child comes into the picture and suddenly the selfish desires take a back seat.

I'm not saying that parenthood brings on sainthood. Not every parent wears that mantle of responsibility as well as others, but the fact is...they wear it. The elements of self sacrifice for the good of the children continually astound me.

I often wonder how that mantle would sit on my shoulders. What kind of parent would I be? What does that sense of selfless adoration feel like?

I'm such a slacker!

I'm guessing that a single blog posting every 6 months does not actually COUNT as an official blog. Apparently I'm not any better at blogging than I am at keeping in touch with people. Sheesh.

Anyway, lots of news on my end. Biggest news...I'm moving back to Rhode Island. The time I spent working on this IT Project for Amica made me realize that I really enjoy IT and specifically Projects. As luck would have it, the IT department has agreed to bring me in as a Project Manager! Big changes for me, including a promotion and a relocation. I never thought I'd be able to leave Colorado, but I'm truly excited about the opportunity!

I love the people I work with in RI, and I truly love the job, so career wise it's a wonderful thing for me.

I also have some great friends in RI, so the pain of leaving my friends and family in CO is a little less sharp.

One of the biggest advantages to this move is the fact that it will be my last with Amica. I'm in RI for the long haul, which means I can finally put down some roots and feel like I'm settled.

I can't begin to express how sad I am to be leaving so many people that I love here in CO, and I think I'm in a bit of denial about how well we'll stay in contact. As noted previously, I'm horrible at maintaining communication, and I can't expect others to put in effort where I do not. I have fantasies of everyone coming out to visit, and I truly hope they do, but I'm aware of the reality that most will not. I don't know how to reconcile that reality in my head right now. I think I would be too sad to consciously accept it, so for now I'll live with the fantasy.

The cliches of change definitely apply...new chapter, adventure, blah, blah...and I feel all the positive elements of this move buoying me up on a daily basis. I'm a little worried for the day when the sad stuff takes over. I love Colorado. There are so many things I'm going to miss. So many people I'm going to ache for.

It seems silly, really. My challenge is that I have too many people and things that I love...everyone should be so challenged.

My Civic Duty

Greetings from Juror Number 6!! Yes...I was called AND chosen. I just spent two days of my life engrossed in the interworkings and details of the Denver County Department of Corrections. The defendant? A way scary gang dude with horns tatooed on his bald head. The charges? Various criminal actions commited while in the highest security building of the Denver County Jail. The catch phrase? Shank it the shoe. The outcome? Mistrial. The scary dude's rights were violated when one of the witnesses accidentally mentioned that he was a felon. ('cause we were all way too dumb to figure that out on our own). Now the whole thing gets to start over again with a new jury.

Such an interesting process. I learned a lot about the criminal justice system, and more than I ever wanted to know about the inside of the Denver County Jail. And, hey, I've fullfilled my duty for 2008.

It was really pathetic to hear the attitudes of some of the other jurors in the selection pool. No one was overjoyed to be there, but so many were just obnoxiously disrespectful of the whole process and acting like they were way too important to waste their time serving. All I could think of was how I would feel if by some awful set of circumstances it was me on the other side of that defendant's table. I would want a competent jury to hear my side of the story. And then I started thinking about this country I love, and what makes it great. The fact that no one can have their liberty stripped without a fair trial. That a system designed over 200 years ago, with all it's imperfections, still works. It wasn't convenient, and it wasn't a party, but I'm glad that I had the privledge to be a part of the process.

Call me a patriotic sap, but there you have it.